The Gglitch Weighs In It's Talent!

January 9, 2009

In response to hordes of recent emails , the Gglitch has decided to announce its first annual Rankings of Member Worth (RMW). The purpose of this survey is to expose the real talent behind the machine comprised of the band's current performing members. In effect, to determine "who is the most talented musician in the Gglitch."

The method in determining these rankings is simple. Whoever has the most equipment rocks the hardest. Whoever hauls the second largest amount of gear is, you guessed it... the second most talented. This process continues until all members of the band are ranked.

The results were not a surprise to many, however some controversy has surrounded the announcement of the one and two spots. Many have mistakenly assumed that drummer Citrus Coco may in fact be the most talented musician in the band, on average hauling a full Toyota Scion worth of drums and accessories. Here's the catch: talent cannot be mesured by the volume of ones gear. "Yeah he's got a carload of drums and takes up half the ****ing stage, but his stuff is all hollow maple drum shells and aluminum. A girl can carry that stuff..." said keyboardist Brian Cretzmeyer in an interview following the release of the RMW results. Whether or not Citrus agrees, the numbers came out in favor of Cretzmeyer who packs over 680 pounds of sick pianos and dope amplifiers compared to Coco's 370 pound setup.

The final verdict: Cretzmeyer rules the band with 684 pounds of awesome gear. Citrus Coco weighs in second with 371 pounds of sweet drums and symbols. Byron Stevens placed third with 270 pounds of solid bass gear. Austin Morford came in fourth on the talent scale with 160 pounds of shit. And finally Ty Byerly is caught with his pants down and running after the caboose with an embarassing 73 pounds of gear.

In response to receiving news of his last place standing, Byerly was reportedly overheard at his second home, Kandyland crying into the karaoke microphone, "How am I supposed to buy more gear when this band doesn't make any ****ing money?" An excellent question indeed.